


Start Ignition, Count to Zero (I Just Want to Be a Superhero)

by Orange_Clown



Series: Multi-fandom Crack Crossover [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Merlin (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack Crossover, Fluff and Crack, Gen, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Paperwork
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 09:19:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2264262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orange_Clown/pseuds/Orange_Clown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin’s adventures as the Official Wizarding Liaison to S.H.I.E.L.D.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Start Ignition, Count to Zero (I Just Want to Be a Superhero)

If Merlin were feeling at all rational right now, he might – _might_ – be prepared to admit that this was kinda his own fault. He _knows_ that shouldn't make rather pointed statements to the Wizarding Government at large unless he was prepared to follow through with his own suggestions. (Complaining directly to Kingsley was fine. He and Kingsley made a point of going out to drinks every couple of weeks for the sole purpose of complaining without actually being expected to do anything about it.)

But he wasn't feeling rational. He was feeling decidedly _ir_ rational, just like those numbers that Arthur liked so much.

Speaking of Arthur…

“You are enjoying my pain far too much,” Merlin accused, narrowing his eyes.

“What pain?” Arthur asked. “It seems to me like you’re getting a nice trip to America on a private jet-” he gestured to their luxurious surroundings with a careless hand “- with your boyfriend. Doesn't seem too terrible to me.”

“Yes, but _you_ aren't going to be the one that has to do all of the paperwork. Not only the normal forms, but Harry and Ron requested a _whole separate_ stack so the Aurors can estimate their fighting power. Those will take _hours._ Actually-” Merlin got a brilliant idea “ _You_ can fill out those forms.”

“Wait, no. I’m pretty sure that _your_ job Merlin.”

“But you’re so much better at military strategy than I ever am or will be!”

Arthur crossed his arms. “You only ever compliment me when you’re trying to get me to do something.”

“That’s not true.” Merlin protested.

“Sure seems like it.”

“Would you rather that I give you gushy compliments in public? I’m sure the Knights would just _love_ to listen to them.”

Arthur actually flinched at that. Gwaine might have been the most… _vocal_ in the teasing, but all of their so-called friends loved to preform dramatic reenactments of rather soppy speeches between the two of them.

They didn't seem to care that the speeches had never been made in the first place. Who needed facts anyway?

“Or I could just send them to the _Prophet_ ,” Merlin continued thoughtfully. “A heart-wrenching story about how we broke up due to lack of emotional support, after hundreds and hundreds of years of being together…”

“Not doing your paperwork for you is _not_ a ‘lack of emotional support’ _Mer_ lin!”

“I did your paperwork all the time in Camelot!” Merlin protested.

“You did not,” Arthur scoffed.

“What about your speeches? I did those!”

“That wasn't _all the time_.”

“So? Neither is this paperwork. Besides, it’s to _Harry_ and _Ron_ , also known some of the least annoying people at the ministry.”

“You would know about being annoying, wouldn't you.”

“Be glad I’m not asking you to deal with the Department of Mysteries.” Merlin snapped.

“The only reason you aren't is because I’d end up actually punching Holmes this time and you don’t want to deal with the bad publicity,” Arthur said bluntly.

Merlin shrugged. It was true. “Bad publicity or not, I’ll make you deal with him _alone_ next time if you leave me to deal with this paperwork by myself.”

Sighing, Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin. “Resorting to threats now?”

Merlin dropped his head onto Arthur’s shoulder. “I am _desperate_. Not only do I have to deal with paperwork, but apparently I will also meet Iron Man aka Tony Freakin’ Stark. Who apparently is just as arrogant as you are. Except that I’m not in love with him, so instead of being mildly endearing occasionally, it will just be incredibly annoying.”

Arthur tightened his arms. “I sure hope you’re not in love with him. You’re _mine_.”

“Possessive prat.”

They sat in silence for a moment.

“It could be worse,” Arthur offered. “They could have sent Morgana. She would have had them all under her thumb in a matter of weeks. No, scratch that – _days_.”

Merlin winced, pulling out of Arthur’s hold. “Yeah, about that…”

Arthur looked at him warily. “What is it, Merlin?”

“They - mighthavesentMorganatotheX-Mansion.” He said in a rush.

“They _what_?”

“They sent. Morgana. To the X-Mansion. …You know… where all of the teenage Mutants are.”

Looking frighteningly calm, Arthur leaned back in his chair. “So we’re all doomed.” He might as well have been talking about the weather.

“…Yeah, pretty much.”

…

…

…

“…At least if we’re doomed we won’t have to do the paperwork.”


End file.
